On Life

Some truths of (my) life

I had a less than ordinary childhood. All I remember between the ages of 7 and 17 was being confused, helpless, and anxious. When I was diagnosed with a chronic illness at 27, I scrambled to find answers – why is this happening to me? How do I manage the pain and get better? Is this normal?

So I started to read and write about the ‘why’ of everything – autoimmune disorders, complex emotions and situations, relationships with parents, friends, etc; the exercise helped me understand and vocalize my thoughts and feelings, and even eased the pain! Here are some of the answers* I found.

*Disclaimer – Most of what you will read below is highly contextual and based on my own lived experiences. The idea is to simplify, not prophesize or codify.

1.	On Perception,

Best way for others’ opinions to not matter is to be certain of yours.

2.	On Pain,

Any feeling that you want to get rid of.

3.	On Choosing a Career,

Most people choose their career based on what they think they are good at and what they might get great at.  Approach it differently - be good at multiple things, figure out which one gives you the most satisfaction, double down on it and greatness will find you.

4.	On Networking,

Skill and network go hand in hand, just like talent and luck. Hone your talents and you will get lucky; hone your skills and you will have a network.

5.	On Happiness,

Happiness is having better problems.

6.	On Materiality,

If you derive your confidence from owning the latest iPhone 15, it will vanish when you meet someone with an iPhone 16. Derive your confidence from your skills and relationships, not money or promotions.

7.	On Friendships,

When young, friends are those who share same hobbies. Once you grow up, nurture friendships with those who share the same core values.

8.	On Grief,

Emptiness and darkness. But why? So many thoughts all at once such that the brain becomes unable to process or distinguish them.

Grief is unexpressed love. You don’t get over losing a child or a parent, but you learn to live with it. 

9.	On Respect,

Respect must be earned. It should be expressed by deferring to another's good judgment and lending a patient ear, not bowing down or touching feet.

10.	On Sports,

Easiest way to be present. Engage and immerse yourself in a sport you like and find yourself not worrying about anything else in that time.

11.	On Distress,

People revert to default state or emotion, whether anger, sadness or reclusiveness. Training your mind to maintain composure and uphold standards during distress is key. “When things are not going your way, you do not rise to the occasion but rather go down to your level of training.”

12.	On Crying,

People don’t cry because of a problem; they cry because they feel helpless and unsupported and lonely when they face problems; not every problem needs to be resolved - sometimes all you need is someone who checks in to see if you’re doing okay.

13.	On Pleasure,

Antidote to long term happiness.

14.	On Parents,

Just like any romantic relationship or friendship, relationship with parents requires constant effort. Don’t distance yourself at 18 and expect your parents to understand who you are at 28.

15.	On Arguments,

An argument usually occurs when two people disagree. But dig deeper and you’ll find one person who feels that their reality does not match their expectations, and that the other person contributes to this less-than-ideal reality. 

16.	On Success,

Have a clear definition of success for yourself, both personally and professionally. What success to someone is at 20 is different than what success is at 30 or 40. So every few years, redefine what success for you is. 

17.	On Risk-Taking,

“Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.” 

Being overtly attached to the ‘idea of you’ early on in life or career tramples down on growth and almost always reduces the odds of non-linear growth. To be alive, you have to constantly kill the idea of yourself – that is true liberation. Relinquish the part of you that is holding you back and keep re-inventing yourself.

18.	On Referrals,

Surfacy referrals (usually done as favors) waste everyone’s time. Ask someone for a referral only if you’ve worked with them and can count on them to endorse your skills.

When you refer someone, remember that you put your own reputation at risk. Know who you’re referring, know their strengths, know their weaknesses and trust their potential.

19.	On Decision-Making,

Delink the quality of a decision from its outcome. Our minds are tricked into believing that the best decisions were the ones that led to the best outcomes and vice-versa. But this is seldom the case and ignores an important aspect of every decision-outcome cycle: LUCK. 

Focus should be on ensuring that the decision-making process is refined, solid and honest. 

20.	On Religion,

To each his own. For me, religion cannot be found in holy text or places of worship. But what you can find there is a sense of peace and calm and equate this feeling to being in the presence of a higher power.

Don’t impose religion on non-religious folks, but instead stress the importance of education and a strong moral compass.

21.	On Commitment,

Those who commit to nothing, get distracted by everything.

22.	On Addictions,

Addictions are never about what you’re running away from but about what you seek from it, whether less pain or more pleasure. Picking up a bad habit when dealing with a problem is coping, but depending on that habit in your daily life is an addiction.

23.	On Travel,

Bigger your world, smaller your problems. But don’t mistake the open road for freedom; travelling should not be about escaping, but experiencing – new foods, new cultures, new landscapes.

24.	On Laziness,

If it does not affect anything or anyone, you’re laidback. But if it does, you’re lazy. Ironically, to be truly laidback, you need to be very active.

25.	On Ideas,

The best one is usually the one in your head – the rawest one. But ideas do need to be fleshed out, so the goal should be to ruin it as less as possible.